Pepsi to Corner Douchebag Market

This week Pepsi introduced an iPhone application called "Amp Up Before You Score" to promote its competitor to the slew of energy drinks. Its purpose? To give you alleged insider information to boost you powers of seduction, as well as give you a platform to brag about which women you managed to get naked.

There are so many things wrong with this you really need a flowchart to diagram them all, but perhaps the most egregious would be that one of the "types" of women is married. With that in mind, perhaps this app should be called the "Pepsi Adultery Helper" or maybe the "Pepsi Commandment Breaker." Really Pepsi, has it come to this?

This just seems so completely stupid on so many levels, including the fact that they have just completely alienated 50% of their potential market. Who exactly is this drink aimed at? If the app is aimed at their target market, we can assume that...

• It can't be single women...
• It's certainly not kids, because you have to be 17 or older to download the app, and mom sure as heck isn't ever going to buy this stuff now.
• It's not married guys or those in a relationship, because they're already getting some.
• It's not guys with social skills, as they wouldn't need the "help" this app offers.

With those groups removed, I think we've determined both the target market for this beverage, and a potential tag line: Pepsi Amp: The Drink of Lonely, Inept Guys

My Xbox Done Died

My Xbox 360 died on Monday. I've had it 15 months... 3 months longer than the warranty. Those of you in the know might say "but there's a three year warranty on them now." That's true, but the three years only applies if you get the fabled "red ring of death" where there are three red lights. Mine only has one. Evidently it's the wrong kind of broken, and now I have to pay $100 to get it fixed.

To be completely honest, this is the third Xbox I've had die. The first one I bought got the red ring after just two months of play, so I brought it back to Target for a new one. When I got that one set up, it wouldn't read any of my games, so I brought that one back and got a refund.

A few months later I heard that Microsoft had fixed the problems with the initial batch of Xboxen, and bought the one that just died. So officially that's three dead consoles in the space of two years. Unbelievable. Meanwhile my 11 year old PS2 keeps chugging along happy as can be. I've owned game systems for the last 30 years and I've never had one of them break. Hell - my Atari 2600 even still works.

Ugh.

Holy F*@k It's Cold!!!!!

So, how cold has it been in Wisconsin the last two days? Imagine dipping yourself in liquid nitrogen. Then seal yourself in a freezer full of Bose–Einstein condensate and shoot that freezer into deep space. I'm only slightly exaggerating.

Truth be told, I had to buy voice recognition software to create this blog post. My hands fell off yesterday due to the cold.

It's RBI People!!!

I am really tired of sportscasters saying that a batter had two (or more) RBIs in a single game. RBI stands for Run Batted In. If a player doubles two runners home, they had two runs batted in. Thus they had two RBI -- NOT two RBIs. They did not have two Runs Batted Ins.

I realize this is a weird plural, like geese or radii, but it's your *@^# job people! I also realize that some dictionaries say it's acceptable to say RBIs. In my mind it's like wearing a Skoal t-shirt and baseball hat to church on Sunday. Just because society has deemed it allowable doesn't mean it's right.